Ducks and Rows

“Fine weather, if you’re a duck!”. That’s what I used to hear when the rain came down in buckets (ouch!) full. It is a sarcastic statement but, in a way, true. It was raining yesterday, off and on, in the manner of. I am an interested observer and noted that my neighbours had better fix the downspout or there will be grief, later on. I watched as rain poured out of the gap between pipes onto a recently painted deck, with full power and gleeful splashing. The scene was out of order but ah, the ducks love it!

There can be a positive and/or negative side to our current rainy weather. I live in the county and I hear of the farmers (usually from a non-farmer) and how “they need this rain” or “this much rain is really hurting them”. Depends on point of view? Everybody has an opinion about the weather. Nothing seems to line up in a total agreement. Everybody thinks things could be better if they were in order. If things were all lined up in a familiar way, we could all relax? Could we agree that the rows were in order?

Yeah, the ducks love it wet. I am not so sure they want it poured down on their heads but they do certainly claim water as their preferred locale, as their area of expertise. We love ducks. Ducks are part of our known universe. They are familiar. They are part of the order. We prefer ducks to be in a row, however. Sloppy, misaligned ducks are a botheration. Just as the misaligned downspout made me notice, a duck not in a row does the same for most folks. Do you think that, because we have a matching pair of most body parts, we prefer order in the universe beyond our fingertips? I look at one hand, then the other…it is sublime. I look at one set of fingertips, I look at the other…again…sublime. Order, simplicity, fingers in a row, arms, hands, legs, ears…all in place in the row.

There are some parts we only need or desire one of. A brain (on reflection, maybe we could use a spare one), a sex thing (doubled up sex things could create some decent chaos in the already-wild-space, so it’s best we only have one major sex part), an asshole. Uhoh. We only need the one asshole, that’s plenty. Though a great number of us are brimming with waste, we still only need the one solid exit point. The mouth does double duty enough at times, so any more would be overkill.

The thing about order and neatness and such is, y’see, just as an example, things could get pretty untidy if shit were flying from everywhere and not just a special place. Proof is in the way that metaphorical shit does fly from everywhere. See how untidy and out-of-line our world is with its metaphorical shit? Facebook spews shit. Fox News spews shit. The New York Times pretends its shit doesn’t stink but it is spewing the stuff anyway. I sit talking and what am I doing? That is correct! I am spewing shit. “Same colour, different day” as they say.

Anyhow. We shore do like our ducks in a row. We like our shit in neat piles under the outhouse. We like our skies blue, our lawns green, our grandmas to use ‘her’ as a pronoun, our politicians to say – “I never touched that woman”, in a way that would make us believe it. Yeah. Order in the chaos, ducks in their row, peace and quiet.

Ooops. No ducks anymore, they moved farther north because it is tooo hot. No grandmas anymore, the aprons and blue rinse died out (or never were ubiquitous?). The world isn’t white anymore, there isn’t a rotary phone to speak of, television is huge and flat (though just as empty as ever it was), the politicians don’t deny but instead, proudly brag about ‘grabbing pussies’ (not meaning cats at all, by the way)…And? We sure aren’t getting the kind of weather we thought we needed. The garbage spews out into our atmosphere (metaphorical and real atmospere, metaphorical and real garbage). Looks like we are going to have to adjust, kids.

It isn’t that bad, no. Not having things in their row will not be the end of us. Trying to force things back into a row might be impossible, really. Every new day is a ‘puzzlement’, of moving forward. Isn’t it? Anyway, it was nice to get some rain, the farmers needed that and the ducks just love it.

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